Garfields 8 Crazy Nights
by familyguyfan
Summary: Garfield, the meanest cat in town has been awfully naughty. When he goes to court, only Nermal and Stewie can help him get into the holiday spirit. Rated T for language.
1. No more Mr Nice Guy

Some say Christmas only comes once a year. But to me, I think that everyday should be Christmas. That's right. It's me, Garfield the cat. I may be old. I may be fat. But let me tell you, I just hate Christmas. I mean, it's not about the presents or the caroling. It's just that Christmas only comes once a year. It all started 2 weeks before Christmas. There I am bored in my bed, waiting for Christmas to come and leave.

Jon was hanging the stockings that morning and Odie was running around as usual. "Garfield! Don't you want to help?" Jon announced from the living room. I sighed in my bed and said, "No way. It's happened before and it's going to keep happening year after year."

"Come on now. 'Tis the season to be jolly." Jon said with a smile on his face. Odie rushed into the room and tore off the covers.

"All right! All right! I'll get up!" I moaned in my bed, as I was about to give Odie a knuckle sandwich upside his head.

I walked to my food bowl and gazed at the food and said, "Here we are again food. Any last words before I eat you?" What was I thinking? Food doesn't talk. Except only in nightmares. After that meal, Jon walked in with a Christmas tree and said, "Here it is boys! The Arbuckle Christmas tree of the year!"

"Whoopee." I groaned and I slapped Odie.

"What's wrong with you?" Jon said in a mean tone. "Where's your spirit?"

"Gone." I replied.

"Where's the begging?" Jon asked.

"It's on vacation." I replied.

"Where's the smile?" Jon asked.

"Died last year." I moaned.

"Why aren't you on the fence singing?" Jon asked.

"The crowd filed a restraining order." I sighed.

Before Jon could say anything else I whapped him in the face and said, "What's with the questions?"

Jon's eyes narrowed and I was put in the backyard until I heard a rustling noise from the bushes. I peeked through the bushes and Nermal, the adorable kitten. "Oh no." I thought. "Not him again."

"Yes. It's me! 'Tis the season to be jolly. Right Garfield?" Nermal said as his eyes glittered.

"Ho-hum." I said as I crossed my arms.

Nermal grabbed my hand and said, "Come on Garfield. I know a perfect place we can go to make you happy."

"A lasagna factory?" I asked.

"No silly. You'll find out." Nermal said and he led me out of my backyard.

A while later, we were in the park where kids we building their snowman and the carolers singing. But then, my heart stopped when I saw the love of my life. "Garfield!" she called out.

"Arlene? Is that you?" I asked as my legs rushed to her.

"I knew that'd put a smile on your face." Nermal said as he patted Garfield's back.

"Shut up! I mean it!" Garfield warned Nermal.

"It's the holiday season you know." Arlene said as she smiled.

"Oh how foolish of me." Garfield said as he patted Nermal, "Happy holidays to you."

Nermal sighed and said, "Yeah, thanks."

"What's on today's agenda?" Garfield asked.

"I was thinking of going out for lunch." Arlene said.

Garfield smiled and said, "You had me at hello."

"I never said that." Arlene said.

"GARFIELD!" Jon called from the other end of the park.

"Yikes!" Garfield said and rushed back to the house and once he got home, he jumped on the couch, turned on the television and sighed deeply.

Jon walked through the door and said, "There you are. Where have you been?"

"Chasing dogs." Garfield said.

Odie growled at Garfield and Jon put a Christmas hat on Garfield. "What the heck?" Garfield shrieked and ripped up the hat.

"Garfield. What am I going to do with you?" Jon complained.

"Easy. Feed me." Garfield said as he smiled.

"I think someone needs some fresh air. So we're going to the ice rink for lunch." Jon said as he pulled Garfield out of the chair..

At the ice rink, Garfield finished his lunch and saw Nermal jump on the table.

"Not you again!" Garfield complained.

"Hey Garfield! Great to see you again!" Nermal said with excitement.

"I know. Let's play a game." Garfield said as he put Nermal in the Port-a-Potty. "What game?" Nermal asked.

"It's called, 'Push Nermal down the hill.' Have fun!" Garfield said and knocked over the Port-a-Potty as it slid down the long hill. When it stopped moving, Nermal was in a frozen ice cube covered with who knows what has been there. Peter and Chris walked by and Chris asked, "What's that?"

Peter smiled and said, "That's called Animal Cruelty. That's why Dick Cheney is getting rid of creatures like this."

"Oh." Chris said and they both walked away from the frozen Nermal.

That night was one exciting night for me. Jon was driving us to town and I covered his eyes as he swerved and hit the Christmas tree. "Garfield! What was that for?" Jon screamed.

"For bringing me here. I hate it!" I yelled in anger.

Jon got out of the car and noticed what I did to Nermal. He shook his head and sighed. Hours and hours later, Jon thawed Nermal out and said, "Don't worry. It's just an accident."

Nermal coughed and said, "About time. I could've died!"

I sighed and said, "Same time tomorrow?"

"No. Now take me home." Nermal grouched.

The next day was a little better than I expected. Nermal was coaching a basketball game and that's where I stepped in. Wearing my uniform, I was pumped for the game. "Am I in?" I asked.

"You don't play basketball." Nermal said as he looked up at me.

"I do today." I said.

"There's an opening as a referee." Nermal pointed out.

"I'll take it." I shouted with excitement.

Later that same day, I was in my referee outfit and it was the weak people versus the NBA players. So far the score was 24-12, NBA players winning. The weak people were getting a little help by the help of good old me. What am I saying? I'm not good. I hate Christmas remember? Jeez who writes this anyway?

At the halfway point, it was a tie and I had to take a break. "Where are you going?" Nermal asked. "Leaving. This is just boring." I said as I took off the jacket. "I'd like you to play for a while."

"I can't." Nermal said. "Humans only. Sorry."

The weak people left for the locker room and the NBA players were practicing for the next half of the game.


	2. The Session Begins

A while later, the weak players walked out from the locker room and put on their game face. 2 minutes was on the clock and it was a tie of 24-24! The balls were dribbling on the ground and the kids shivered in fright as they held the ball and passed it to one another. BUZZ! The timer went off when the basket scored for the NBA player's basket. The crowd booed and I blew the whistle and said, "Okay. Game over because there was a fat kid in the game!"

"What? This is outrageous! I want my money back!" someone shouted.

Of course no one spoke cat so I just raised my claw in the air and booted the fat kid out the door. Jon and Odie were in the stands looking down at me as the crowd threw their food on the floor. "My beautiful floor!" Nermal cried.

I laughed and said, "It's never been your floor and never will be."

The judge walked up to me and said, "Garfield. I need to see you in court tomorrow at once!"

I sighed and said, "No thanks. I'll be watching the Lasagna Channel."

The judge gave me a serious look and turned towards Jon.

"What can I do for you?" Jon asked him.

"Jon Arbuckle, your cat is a bad egg. He's been rude to everyone in the past 5 years and I can't take it anymore." The judge explained.

"I don't know what to say." Jon shivered.

"Well all I can say for now is to come to court tomorrow morning. Or else he'll be sent to the pound." The judge said and walked out the door.

Jon sighed and looked down at me and said, "We're going home."

Since it was getting late and there was no food at home, Jon took Odie and me out to a Chinese restaurant and I ate whatever my eyes could see. "3 bowls of Scorpion Bowl? That's got to be some kind of record." Jon said amazed.

"Well I'm going for another record. Longest burp." I pointed out. My burp was so loud that the people from across the street could hear me. Windows shattered and Jon gulped and said, "I'm going to the little boy's room." And walked out of the booth.

I jumped out of the booth and walked outside all cold. The police glared at me with their big eyes and one of them said, "Aren't you cold there fella?"

"Ho-hum." I said as I crossed my arms.

Jon bolted out the door and yelled, "GARFIELD! I'M GOING TO GET YOU FOR THIS! GET BACK INSIDE!"

"Never!" I shouted as I took a trash can lid.

As I slid off towards home, I began to sing to myself.

Garfield: **I'm the kind of guy who can't stand a holiday,  
So I eat 'em all away, that's me.  
I don't decorate no trees,  
And I won't eat no potato latkes.  
But I'll give this old lady's melons a squeeze,  
That's just who I am.**

**Well, I'll never spin a dreidel but I'll always throw an egg,  
Then I'll Charlie horse your leg for laughs.  
While you're singing your holiday tune,  
I'm acting like the town buffoon.  
Whippin' out my big, white, scary moon,  
And blowin' a beef your way.  
I hate folks who think reindeer are cute.  
To me they're just something to shoot.  
I hate love, I hate you, I hate me.  
Well, I'm a snowmobile stealin',  
No " 'tis the season' " feeling kind of guy!  
This time of year sucks so I take my nunchucks,  
And make sure every snowman die!  
Belivin' in Santa's all wrong,  
And Chanukah's eight nights too long.  
I hate love, I hate you, I hate me.**   
**I hate love, I hate you, I hate me.**

The next day at court, the judge gave me a glance and said, "How many times do I have to keep seeing you? It's the holidays for crying out loud."

"I promise sir, I'll make sure this never happens again." Jon said.

"You've said that for the past 5 times." The judge pointed out. "If he breaks another law, he'll get sent to the pound."

"I can't!" I screamed. "There are dogs in the pound!"

Nermal stood up and jumped onto the table and said, "I'll secure him!"

"Who brought a cat in?" the judge asked confused.

"It's Nermal." Stewie Griffin said as he entered the court.

"Finally. Someone who makes sense." Someone yelled.

Nermal smiled and said, "Happy 1st night of Hanukah to ya."

"I'm not Jewish!" Stewie yelled.

"Neither am I but it doesn't stop me from celebrating the holidays." Nermal smiled.

"How the heck is this happening?" I asked.

"Easy. I invented a translating device." Stewie said. "I'll help Nermal here out until that fat cat turns nice."

"YOU CALLED ME FAT!" I yelled as I was about to pounce on him.

It was official. Nermal and Stewie were watching me every second. Later that day, we arrived at the mall. Why were we at the mall? I should be home sleeping in my warm bed.

"Why are we here?" I asked.

"We need to clear your head and get that mean stuff out." Nermal said.

"So what's good about this place?" I asked.

"What's good about it? Everything. You want a pair of socks? My buddy, Mr. Foot Locker will warm your feet. You need a fancy doodad? Hello, Sharper Image. Thanks for the combination pogo stick/clock radio. I mean, The Body Shop, the Tie Rack, GNC, Radio Shack, Petland for a cat or two, Spencer's Gifts for some fake dog doo, Sbarro's, Dunkin' Donuts, they're simply the best. And don't forget the orange chicken at Panda Express. But if you're short of cash like little old me, the window shopping's always free." Nermal pointed out.

"Yippee skip." I said as I rolled my eyes.

"Better change your attitude before you get sent to the pound." Nermal said with a mean look on.

"I'm hungry. Let's get something to eat okay?" I said as I pulled Nermal to the food court.

Once we got our food, Stewie said, "It's not all about you. You have to put on a game face for the holidays. No one wants to see a Scrooge in this town. At least I've been doing my part for 1 year. Are you ready big guy?"

I took my fries and spilt them on the table which read, "Bite me."

Stewie smiled and said, "Ha! Jokes on you. I can't read!"

Bart and Marge walked over to the table where we sat and said, "Special delivery."

Stewie smiled and said, "You're too much. Another cookie for me? How thoughtful."

"Don't mention it." Marge said.

Bart walked up to Stewie and said, "I got another Hanukkah present."

"An Etch-a-Sketch. Not bad." I said.

"It's called a Game boy!" Stewie yelled.

"Well sorry I'm not up to date with modern technology." I mimicked.

"We better get going." Marge said as she and Bart walked away.

"I HOPE THE MONSTER COMES TO EAT YOU!" Garfield yelled.

"Technical foul!" Nermal yelled. "There's no such thing."

Stewie, Nermal, and I walked pass the mayor and Stewie said, "Doing some late night shopping?"

"Yeah. I tell you the malls are crowded at this time of year." The mayor said.

"Any idea about who's going to get the patch?" Nermal asked.

The mayor didn't understand what he said and just smiled saying, "You have a shot."

Nermal smiled as the mayor walked away from us. "I have a shot." He said as his eyes glittered.

"Good night mayor! And the answer to your question is KFC. A place where you belong." I hollered.

Music began to play and Nermal began to sing.

Nermal: **A wont a you a dance with me at the annual all star a banquet  
A will a feel so fancy free at the annual all star a banquet  
Everyone in town will be looking their best, **

Stewie: **Even Mrs. Selman with the one extra breast.**

Nermal: **It's a kind of a nite when your feet match  
When you feel nearly 5 foot 3!   
They'll laugh and they'll dance and they'll wet in their pants   
Cuz there's a patch at the all star a banquet waiting for me!**

"Can you take me home now?" I asked.

On the way home, I took some cookies out of the box and took a big bite out of it. "How's that Peanut Brittle?" Nermal asked. "Good and delicious." I said with my mouth full. "I don't remember you getting one." Nermal said. "Then I guess I stole it." I said. Nermal screamed and turned the car to the side and crashed into a tree and said, "That's it! I'm calling the judge!" "Go ahead! I'll be the on first bus out of here!" I yelled.

I jumped out of the car and walked across the street to my home and jumped in my bed and took a deep sigh. When Nermal got home, Liz said, "Nermal! Where were you? You were 2 hours late and I already called the cops."

"I had an interesting talk with the mayor." Nermal said.

Stewie smiled and said, "He's bound to get the patch."

Liz smiled and said, "I wish the best luck to you."

Early the next morning, Nermal climbed the tree and was responsible for putting the star on top. "How about this?" Nermal yelled down to Stewie.

"It's crooked! Move it to the right!" Stewie yelled.

Once Nermal put the star on the tree, he fell down and got up from the box and Stewie said, "It's a jackass in the box!"

"Pleasure doing business with you." Nermal said.

That night, I was told to go to the basket ball court and I said, "There's no kid's here."

"I think you need a refresher on rules and regulations." Nermal said.

"You've got to be kidding me." I sneered.

"You better change that attitude of yours or I'll tell the mayor about the Peanut Brittle." Stewie said.


	3. Technical Foul!

Well I guess we can skip to the part where Arlene showed up at the game. Nermal was telling everything I should know about basket ball. When the ball was thrown into the crowd, I caught it and said, "Look at what I got!" Nermal rolled his eyes and said, "Just give them the ball." I smiled a bit and said, "Okay fuzzy wuzzy." The players below got angry and I popped the ball and said, "Whoops."

"That cat ruined our game!" someone shouted.

"You can all go to hell!" I yelled back even though they didn't understand me.

"Garfield!" Arlene shouted in rage.

I gulped as I saw Arlene walked out the door disappointed. So later that night, Jon was taking me home and I was just talking to myself. "What kind of look was that for?" I pondered.

"How could that guy work with children?" Arlene wondered in her owner's car.

"Giving me that nasty look. I was being nice." I pondered.

"They should've put him in the pound for good." Arlene thought.

"At least she looked at me. That kind of felt nice." I thought.

As we were on our way home, music began to play and we sung to ourselves.

**Garfield: It all seemed so long ago****  
****Arlene: Young and happy don't you know  
Garfield: Down by the creek I would show  
fireflies to that girl.  
Arlene: But that was back when he was nice  
Garfield: Before my warm heart turned to ice   
Stewie: My sister's hat once had lice  
Arlene: But that was long ago  
Garfield: The schoolyard's where we were,  
the first time I kissed her.  
Arlene: He thought he got some toungue   
Garfield: But it was only retainer  
Stewie: Meg's bra is a trainer  
Garfield: Well over there's my family home  
Arlene: And the woods we used to roam  
Stewie: The only time I had sex was on the phone  
Phone sex lady: But that was long ago  
Garfield: I carved our names upon that tree  
Arlene: I loved him and he loved me  
Man: My darling wife was once a he  
Man's 'darling' wife: But that was long ago  
Arlene: He'd always whisper in my ear   
Garfield: But then I started beatin' deer  
Nermal: My jewels got licked by six frisky  
deer**

**Arlene: Now he's just a loner and a liar  
Jon: And my house is caught on fire  
**

"Fire!" Jon yelled. I jumped out of the car and grabbed a letter from my parents and Nermal was with Stewie outside our burning house. "Maybe this is some kind of sign. After all, Hanukah is the festival of lights." Nermal said. "I should stick you on a twig and roast you." I snapped back. "Let's get back in the car. We can stay with Liz." Jon said.

"I'm not living with those buffoons." I said.

"What other options do you got?" Nermal asked.

When we got to Liz's house, Stewie and Nermal entered first and of course I entered last. I wiped my feet and when I closed the door after Jon and Odie entered, Liz turned around and yelled in fear, "It's a home invasion robbery! Take whatever you want but please don't kill us!"

"It's okay! It's okay! Our house went up in flames and we needed a place to stay." Jon said as he put his arm around Liz.

"Well okay but he better take off those dirty boots. It's soaking the carpet." Liz said. "I'm keeping an inventory of everything in this house. Just look at what he stole."

"It's a card from his parents." Jon said.

"Why doesn't he stay with them?" Liz asked.

"They died." Jon said sadly.

"My bad." Liz shrugged.

I sharpened my claws and swiped the couch and Nermal said, "This'll be harder than I thought." Music began to play and Nermal began to sing.

**Nermal: If you come in from the street with dirty shoes on your feet  
That's a technical foul!  
If you switch the radio to some MODERN music show,  
That's a technical foul!  
If you don't shut the door after using the 'frigerator,  
That's a technical foul...  
a technical foul!  
If you touch the thermostat, **

**Stewie: You'll get hit with a bat!  
**

**Nermal: Cuz that's a technical foul **

**Stewie: You'll feel my wrath.  
**

**Nermal: If your hair clogs the drain **

**Stewie: You'll know the meaning of pain!  
**

**Nermal: Cuz that's a technical foul **

**I'll show you no mercy  
**

**Stewie: Oh this is such bull shit,  
**

**Nermal: In this house we say "bull spit"!  
Or it's a technical foul...  
A technical foul**

"Let me get this straight. You expect me to change my entire lifestyle in one night cuz you guys are a couple of psychotic control freaks?" I asked.

"You got it bub." Nermal said.

"Or you can go rot in the gutter or something. It's up to you, Yankee Doodle." Stewie pointed out. 

"Well I don't wanna do that but let me run a few questions by you so I don't mess up accidentally." I said. Then it was my turn to sing.

**Garfield: If I don't spray Lysol after moving a bowel,  
**

**Nermal: That's a technical foul! **

**Garfield: Okay...  
If I decide to wash my butt with your monogrammed towel,   
**

**Stewie: That's a technical foul! **

**Nermal: Please, say hiney  
**

**Garfield: If I make fun of your crazy feet or  
Give sugar cookies to Miss Diabetes,  
**

**Stewie: That's not only a technical foul, but possibly a homicide...**

**Garfield: Can I sleep past 3?  
**

**Stewie: If you do you'll get a kick in the knee.  
**

**Garfield: Take a whizz in those flowers?  
**

**Stewie: I'll say "Hit the showers!"  
**

**Garfield: Use this horn as a bong?  
**

**Stewie: Adios Tommy Chong  
**

**Garfield: Make some long distance calls?****   
**

**Stewie: You'll get a kick in the balls  
**

**Garfield: Can I walk around with my morning erection?  
**

**Nermal: If you want an automatic ejection  
cuz that's a Technical Foul,   
But I'd like to see it anyway, just kidding**

Everyone at the same time: **There are certain rules which apply in one's life with your sister, friends or imaginary wife!**

**Garfield: I can't believe I haven't killed myself  
Here with Wigs Magee and the furry elf  
She's neurotic and he's a troll  
How did I get stuck in this stupid hole?  
Guess I'll have to deal with your demands  
But please don't touch me with your alien hands**

**Nermal: They took my ball of yarn  
I remember the look in their eyes  
Why, oh why won't someone retrieve my yarn?**

**Garfield: I've got no right to growl...  
Watch out, he's on the prowl!  
**

**Nermal: Without my yarn, I look like an owl! **

**Stewie: Oh my god!  
**

**Garfield: Don't laugh at him, or it's a technical foul!  
**

**Nermal, Garfield, and Stewie: A technical foul!  
A technical foul!**


	4. How it all Started

Well I guess a cat has got to do what a cat's got to do. The next morning was pretty simple. Jon was shaving his chest and Liz was plucking her eyebrows. So Stewie and I decided to play a little joke on Nermal. I pulled out a can of cat food and Nermal said, "Food for me?" When Nermal opened the can streamers popped out and Nermal fell to the ground rolling side to side. Then a while later, Stewie was trying to clean the ceiling and I said, "Wish you were 5 feet taller?" and so Nermal and I lifted him up and Stewie said, "Thanks Garfield." "No problem." I replied. That night, I was in bed and Nermal tried to get me back but when I opened the can, Jon walked passed us and fell to the ground and started to panic. We laughed anyways.

The next day at the ice rink, I pulled out a piece of paper with Nermal's name on it and put it in the slot and said, "Good luck buddy." Nermal was at the table cutting his corndog and said, "I can't get this off and I've been cutting it for a while now."

"You're supposed to hold it and eat it off the stick." I pointed out.

"How futuristic." Nermal said as he picked up the stick.

"Now zip up before you catch a cold." Liz said.

"Thanks." Stewie said as he zipped up is jacket.

Just to change the topic, Liz asked Jon, "Did Garfield ever play any sports when he was young?"

"Not really. He's always been a basketball guy. I remember back in 1995, the score was 40-16." Jon said.

As Jon told the story, I remember it like it was yesterday. The coach said, "Though we might be loosing, it's still the holidays and we're going to get presents anyways."

"Maybe we should win for our parents as a present for them." I said.

"Sounds good team." The coach said and when the game resumed, I scored so many points, our team won by 5 points. Everyone cheered.

The flashback ended and I said, "Okay that's enough."

"Please continue Jon. It was getting good." Liz said.

As the story continued, Jon said, "Well when I got the card from Garfield's parents, he got mad at me when I told him that his parents died in a fire. Since that day, Garfield has been like this." I slammed my hand on the table and said, "That's it. I'm leaving."

"You can't run away from your emotions." Stewie said.

"I'm not! I'm running away from you bozos!" I yelled and stomped away from them.

Arlene stood in front of me and said, "Do you have to be rude to those who try to help you?"

I sighed and walked past her. When Stewie, Nermal, and Liz got home, Stewie comforted Nermal and said, "Let's just get ready for the banquet." Stewie washed his face and Nermal took some yarn and put on a fancy sweater. Where was I you ask? Well while the morons were getting ready, I went to the mall and started yelling, "Arlene! What's the matter the way I'm living my life? Arlene! Where are you? Sobbing to pieces at home. Forget it!"

"Glad you could join us." A voice said.

"What?" I asked as I looked around.

The Foot Locker guy smiled and said, "I said that! Wake up guys! This is not a rehearsal." Suddenly all the mascots came to life and appeared right in front of me.

"What the heck is happening?" I asked.

"Something that should've happened 10 years ago." The Foot Locker guy said.

"What? Get out of here. I'm leaving." I said.

"You can run from Nermal but you can't run from us." The Foot Locker guy said.

Some music played and the Foot Locker guy started to sing.

Foot Locker guy: **We all heard what happened at the skating rink today.  
When whitey brought up your sad past,  
You snapped and walked away.  
Well maybe there unto something you should give a try,  
Go on ahead and let it out and have yourself a cry.**

Toy Solders: **Let it out Garfield!**

Garfield: **Shut your wooden mugs.**

GNC guy: **Let it out Garfield!**

Garfield: **You all want me to deal with pain, well cheers is what I say.  
This is stuff just numbs the pain, it don't make it go away!**

Foot Locker guy: **You try to act so tough but you just live a lie...  
Why don't you show your feminine side and have yourself a cry.**

Starbucks guy: **Let it out Garfield.**

Garfield: **I'll pour you down the sink.**

Starbucks guy: **You got to do it Garfield!**

Garfield: **You can just go dink!**

**You labels and logos are wasting your time making me sit here,  
'Because nothing you can say or do will make me shed a tear.**

Foot Locker guy: **He possesses a strong spirit and won't let down his guard.  
So now'll we'll bring in the big guy,   
His beautiful Chanukah card.  
Take it Garfield it might have money over.**

Garfield's parents: **Happy Chanukkah to our wonderful son,   
You fill our lives with joy,  
Don't ever change the way you are.  
You beautiful 12 year old boy.**


	5. Mean Cat Turns Nice

I sat there in the mall as tears dripped from my eyes. "Breaking and entering I see. It's about time you messed up." An officer said. "Sorry." I said. "Well whatever you said isn't going to save you now." The officer said. As they were about to cuff me I swiped my paw and ripped their pants and the clumsy officers cuffed one another. "This is embarrassing." The one officer said. Meanwhile at the all star banquet, Nermal was tossing and turning crazy like and he said, "What's going on? Let me out! Where are we?"

"It's okay. You're going to have a good time." Stewie said as he let Nermal out of the car. Nermal wore a tuxedo and had some orange yarn and the people around him gasped with amazement. "Nermal? Is that you?" a black cat with white fur asked.

"What's it to ya?" Stewie asked.

"Are you the one that stole my yarn?" Nermal asked.

"Yes. I'm Gregory Constanta." The cat said. "I've been so thoughtless when I was young so I'm going to return your golden yarn."

Nermal grabbed the golden yarn and walked into the banquet with Stewie. Meanwhile the police were looking for me. As all cats to, we try to play dead. Sometimes actually. Anyway, I hid behind a garbage can and waited for the police car to pass by. After the police car turned, I went on the bus that was going to New York. I snuck to the back seat and sat near the window. Back at the banquet, Jon sat down and said, "They were giving out free lobster bibs in the bathroom."

"It's not a lobster bib." Liz said and put it in the trash can. The mayor walked up to the podium and said, "Good evening everyone and welcome to the 35th All Star Banquet!"

The audience cheered. "For those who are celebrating Christmas tomorrow, I want to say, Merry Christmas." The mayor said. "Merry Christmas." The audience shouted with cheer. "And for those who are celebrating the 8th night of Hanukah, I'd like to say, Happy Hanukah." The mayor smiled. "Happy Hanukah." The 3 kids said at the table.

"I'm one of those guys who like to start things off with a joke. But I've been so darn busy at the hardware store, I thought of it on the way here. Knock-knock." The mayor said. "Who's there?" the audience asked. "Don't you?" the mayor said. "Don't you who?" the audience asked. "Don't you wish I wasn't so darn busy at the hardware store to come up with a great one?" the mayor said as he laughed.

The audience got stirred up and people were doing crazy things. Bart looked at Marge and said, "I don't get it." "I don't think anyone did." Marge replied.

"Now for the first award. He started the season at 4 foot 3 and is now 9 foot 7. Please give it up for, Donald Hardy!"

The big kid stood up and raised his arms in the air and said, "UCLA rocks!"

"That kid's getting a lawn mower for Christmas." The mayor joked.

Meanwhile, I was on the bus heading away from town. All of my memories faded and I sat there with a mean look on. Suddenly the bus swerved and hit a tree and I could see the banquet. "I see what's going on." I said and I rushed out of the bus. When I got to the banquet, the deer had a worried look on and I said, "Don't worry. I'm just here to apologize to the little guy."

"Now finally, the patch of the night. Now for the winner is…" the mayor said as he opened the envelope,

Outside, the police walked towards the deer with a flashlight and the deer were doing a pyramid. The officer was disturbed and turned around and said, "There's nothing to see here." And walked away.

"Good job." I said to the deer. I heard the mayor open the envelope and I faced the window and hoped for Nermal to win. "Congratulations Stewie G. Griffin!"

"I didn't ref yet!" Stewie yelled.

"Wait it says, Seymour Skinner." The mayor said as the audience cheered. Nermal frowned and put on his coat and left the banquet.

"I remember when I was young playing basket ball. That was in 1979. Well before mother shipped me off into military school." Seymour said.

"I need to say something!" I announced.

"There he is. Take him down." The officer said.

"Didn't we kick him out?" the mayor asked.

"The 10 year sentence starts tonight!" the judge yelled.

"Give him a chance." Liz said.

"I know you people don't like me but I personally think that Nermal should've won the patch. Not, Cry Baby up there." I said. Seymour gasped and said, "I'm not a cry baby."

Music played and I had no choice but to sing.

Garfield: **Everyone in this room has been associated with Nermal  
either through basketball or the mall or various odd  
jobs he does around town for free or at most a dollar  
And I'm guessing 99 of you have either laughed in Nermal's  
face or ruthlessly made fun of his feet or voice or Stewie's sister  
or shortness when he wasn't looking  
But the next time you'd see him he'd still go out of his way to  
smile and wave at you and ask you about your mother's  
operation or something like that because he, unlike us,   
actually cares about someone other than himself**

**The reason I bring this up to you is because I was the worst  
offender of all  
My life was simply going nowhere  
Then a tiny little man rushed to my side  
He should've gotten a big thank you   
Instead he got a Porta-Potti ride**

**I was such a idiot  
But he never quit on me  
'Til I told him he was useless  
And his owner was freaky  
**

Homer:** Once when we were watching Sunday football  
A fuzzy screen was all that we could see  
Nermal came over with a hanger  
And spent the game atop our T.V.**

**And when the lightning struck him  
He let out a wicked, loud yell  
But we just turned up the volume  
And ignored the burning smell  
We should all rot in hell**

Arlene: **I went to high school with Nermal  
As a joke I told him to meet me at the prom  
When he got there, I said: "I can't believe you though I was  
serious."  
So he ran home crying and slow-danced with his Mom**

Garfield: **What a crushing blow to Nermal  
I bet you wish you could take it back  
How could you all be so mean to Nermal?**

**Maybe I should throw you in a sack.**

**Tonight Nermal was counting on this town to show that we care  
But the first time he really needed us we weren't there**

**And on Christmas Eve and the last night of Chanukah  
It's just not fair**


	6. The patch is changed

Liz, Stewie and Nermal were driving to the mall and Stewie said, "I'm sorry that they hurt you Nermal." Nermal sighed and said, "We should go to the mall. That place makes me feel better." Nermal said. "But it's closed." Liz pointed out. "Maybe the night guy forgot to lock the door again." Stewie pondered. "Well if he didn't, we could just sit in front of it for extra time." Nermal said.

When Liz, Stewie, and Nermal got to the mall, Liz said, "Please let the door be open." Nermal pushed on the door a little bit and the door opened automatically. "Oh, thank God!" Stewie shouted. "This is the most brilliant place I've ever seen. It's like I died and went to Heaven."

"Mind giving me a moment." Nermal said quietly.

"Take your time." Stewie said as he and Liz walked away from Nermal.

Nermal sat down on the ground and said, "Hey mall, long times no see. 15 hours to be exact. If you haven't heard by now, I didn't get the patch I was hoping for. Maybe Garfield was right. No one likes me."

"You're not going anywhere." I said.

"Holly shit! Did the mall just talk?" Stewie shouted amazed.

"No. It was me." I said firmly as I stepped into the light. "I came to apologize Nermal."

"There's no need to apologize. You were right. No one likes me." Nermal sobbed.

"I don't think so. Do you, Mr. Mayor?" Garfield said as the mayor entered.

"Nermal, you're partner, Garfield here did a good thing for once in this community." The mayor said.

"What'd he do? Make a crap on the carpet?" Stewie snorted.

"No. He told us everything about how wonderful Stewie is. That's why I'm here." The mayor said.

The town entered and sung joyfully, "**This is your moment Nermal! The guy we love so much! It's your moment Nermal!**"

"Nermal, the cutest kitten in the world. I present you the 35th all star patch." The mayor said as he ripped the patch off Seymour's jacket. "Have the 34th!" someone shouted. Everyone cheered and threw their patches off as they all landed around Nermal. Nermal had a tear in his eye and said, "You stood up for me Garfield."

"Well you could help me with my dream." I said as I went down to Nermal.

"You have a dream?" Nermal asked.

"My dream is for someone to wish me happy holidays like my parents would." I said in a calm way.

"Happy Holidays, Garfield. If I had an imaginary wife, we'd raise him to be just like you." Nermal said.

"I'll pretend you never said that." I smiled.

I hope you have a happy holiday!

The End


End file.
